We wanted to let you know that we’ve posted the answers to the urban fantasy quiz we created last week to celebrate Jaye Wells’ new book in the Sabina Kane series, SILVER-TONGUED DEVIL, but while writing the blog post, we have suffered some sort of demonic visitation. . .
We interrupt our usual service for an announcement of Giguhlthe demon/feline sidekick of Sabina Kane, star of Jaye Wells’ urban fantasy novels.
Giguhl, the fifth-level Malice demon, here. You’ve probably heard of my many accomplishments as a champion of the Demon Fight Club and as a coach of the Manhattan Marauders roller derby team. But did you know that in my spare time, I’m also the official sidekick of an urban fantasy heroine?
Her name is Sabina Kane. She’s half-mage and half-vampire and has all kinds of problems. And without me retrieving it and providing color commentary, it would be totally lost. I get a lot of letters from beings who want to follow in my footsteps in the acolyte business. They think it’s all glamorous and having sex with nymphs. They don’t know it’s real work. Today, I’m going to break down the required attributes of each awesome sidekick. . .
1. Sense of humor. Look, I don’t mean to be a judge, but a lot of urban fantasy protagonists tend to oscillate between anger and morose nihilism. Things can get dark pretty quickly without a sidekick to pull off a well-timed dick prank. It helps if you have no internal censorship or qualms about offending delicate sensibilities. In other words, if you can’t look at a dead body and improvise a blue balls joke, you’re not on your game.
2. Speaking of bullets, you need some. Hush, lovely ladies, I’m not literal. Believe me, I’ve met plenty of UF heroines who make guys look like fluffy bunnies. Male parts are not required for bravery. Either way, since you’re going to be spending a good chunk of your time supporting your hero/ine as they battle Avenger demons and other villains in dark alleyways, you can’t be one to jingle. in your panties at the first sign of violence.
3. Flexible morality. Thank goodness I’m a demon and I was born without any kind of boring moral compass. Some of you may not have been so lucky and are burdened with a pesky “conscience”. My advice is to overcome this as soon as possible. Saving the world isn’t pretty. Nor hide the bodies of your boss’s enemies. Or 4 a.m., blood and whiskey flow. Guilt is for the saints, but you, my friend, must rejoice in being a sinner. Believe me, misbehaving is way more fun than godliness anyway.
4. No sense of shame. Imagine you’re normally a seven-foot-tall sexy badass until your heroine decides to experiment with magic. Suddenly you’re spending half your time trapped in the body of a hairless cat. Are you going to let overwhelming embarrassment keep you from getting the job done? No you are not. Granted, it’s no picnic having to wear kitty sweaters and knit beanies, but at least you can show off your dangling bald bits to unsuspecting passers-by.
5. Sexy dance moves. Okay, it’s not exactly required for the job, but you never know when you’ll get the chance to participate in the forbidden dance with a sexy nymph. Plus, you never know when someone is going to challenge you and your hero/ine to a Westside Story-style dance fight. You must have your jazz o’ fury hands ready!
That is just about everything. Your mileage may vary, of course, depending on your handler. For example, if your heroine is a werewolf, she could be a real bitch asking you to wax her on a full moon. If so, run like hell because the next thing you know she’s gonna ask you to pour hot wax on her undercarriage and no sidekick gets paid enough to give a werewolf a Brazilian wax. Trust me.
If you have any other questions or, you know, if you just want to tell me how awesome I am, feel free to write me on Twitter.